Child DevelopmentChildren want our approval and want to please the important adults in their lives. By using a developmental lens, many of the most common parenting challenges can be understood as opportunities to promote healthy development in our kids. For example, many parents have difficulty tolerating emotional outbursts from their children. A developmental lens allows us to understand that our kids have immature nervous systems, considerably less experience with managing emotional upset than we do, and are easily overwhelmed by their strong emotions. This new perspective allows us to interpret an emotional outburst as a signal that our child needs our help, instead of proof that they are trying to control us with obnoxious and manipulative behavior.
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Supporting children through their overwhelming emotional experiences helps them develop emotional regulation and coping skills and strengthens the parent-child relationship. Instead of being left alone with their feelings or being punished for their inability to manage them, our children learn that we will be there when they need help, to keep them safe and help them learn to manage their emotions in acceptable ways.
Behavior Makes Sense
Kids do well when they can. Because their nervous systems are immature, kids are not capable of controlling their emotions and behavior 100% of the time. Because they can often demonstrate the behavior adults expect, we often make the mistake of assuming that when kids fail to demonstrate appropriate behavior, it is because they are choosing not to. While this may occasionally be true, in most cases when a child fails to demonstrate expected behavior, it is because the demands of the situation have exceeded their capacity to respond in an adaptive way. In other words, they are overwhelmed and don't have an acceptable behavioral strategy that works for the circumstances of that moment. We wouldn't punish a child for not knowing how to solve a math problem, so why do we punish children who have not yet developed the skills to manage their emotions and behavior?
When parents are able to interpret what their children's behavior is really communicating, and respond in ways that promote developmental skill building, emotional support, and growth, everything shifts. Let's talk about how I can help you and your children thrive.
When parents are able to interpret what their children's behavior is really communicating, and respond in ways that promote developmental skill building, emotional support, and growth, everything shifts. Let's talk about how I can help you and your children thrive.